i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
