were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Are my feet made of real feet?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
