Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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