Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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