He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
