I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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