come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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