It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
