I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
