i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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