well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
