So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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