Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
