I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize