His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
