We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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