I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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