Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
