I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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