The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
