I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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