He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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