Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
