Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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