Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
