Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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