you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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