Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
