Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize