i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
