Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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