Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
