somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize