Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
