so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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