Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he puts the penis in happiness.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
