i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
