Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
