well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
