Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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