There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
