Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
