i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
