it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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