So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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