you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
