I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
