Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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