I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize