Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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