wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you would pick up someone in the library
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
