yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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