Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
There are leaves in my underwear?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
