new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i think i just lost a toe
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
