Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This is my life. Enjoy the view
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
