I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize