every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Less talking, more tequila
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
