So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
and she was petting her beer can
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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