id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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