is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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