he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just invented taco cereal.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
