You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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