yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
