I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
