If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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