no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
