I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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