Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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