Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
