I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
