The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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