Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
