So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
