Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
