so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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