This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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