Already got asked if we're dating
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
