the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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