the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
