I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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