ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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