The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
