so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
