Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
