Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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