I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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