my vag is so smooth its legendary
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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