i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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