check it out our google latitudes are spooning
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
