That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize