My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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